Fruit Parlor Cafe
by CrazySpark
Summary: In downtown Tokyo there is a small, rather innocuous café. This café is owned and run by one Urahara Kisuke. His employees think he's nutters, and most everyone else is inclined to believe them. This is the story of the 8 boys who work there. Sanity? Nah.
1. Welcome to the Cafe

_Welcome to the Fruit Parlor Café, a BLEACH alternate universe that puts the 'fruit' in 'fruity.'_

_As stated, this is an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE. If this is not your cup of tea, please look elsewhere. Also, this will have subtle, overt, flaming YAOI/SHONEN-AI/SLASH, so again, if this is not your cup of tea, please look elsewhere. At the other end of the spectrum, it will also contain HET/STRAIGHT, so watch out. This is blanket-rated T/PG13 for swearing, mild violence and sexy guys. If there is anything that exceeds this rating, it will be marked as such.  
_

_I am the only author on this project; so do not expect any form of schedule to be followed. Like Urahara allows, my schedule is so flexible it's nebulous. Whenever inspiration strikes, I will give you a piece of these boy's lives._

_ As a disclaimer for this entire series, I will say right now that all concepts, places and people recognizable from the series BLEACH, belong to the illustrious KUBO TITE, and to VIZ Media, Shonen Jump, et al. Any and all similarities to places and people living or dead is most likely completely coincidental and not my fault. Any and all characters, concepts and places that are not recognizable, I have probably made up. These and the plot (what there is of it) belong to me, and I would greatly appreciate that my creative brainchildren be respected._

_Also, this story is crossposted to LiveJournal and, imho, looks better over there. LJ is also ahead of FF in terms of posting. You may find it at fruitparlorcafe(dot)livejournal(dot)com_

**Fruit Parlor Cafe**_  
_

Recipes for a Fruit Parfait

_"Define interesting."_

_..._

_"Oh god, oh god, we're all gonna die?"_

**-----**

In downtown Tokyo there is a small, rather innocuous café. Now you may be thinking, _"Yes, there are a lot of those in downtown Tokyo,"_ but hear me out. It's got a rather homey atmosphere; with mixed round tables with surprisingly comfortable wooden chairs and squashy couches and armchairs. The walls are painted in jewel tones, blue, green, purple and red, and each wall has at least one bookshelf. On those shelves you can find quite the eclectic mix of books, from philosophy to romance and cyberpunk to fantasy. The owner prides himself on having a little bit of something for everyone. The food served is good with several basic types of sandwiches and soups. But what they're really good at is the fruit desserts. Anything you can think of that can be done with fruit, they have done. They also have the most excellent smoothies.

There's free wireless internet, and a couple of the wait staff even have technical abilities if you have problems connecting. It's frequented (and staffed) by college-age youth, and is, in fact, near a college. It sits nigh next-door to the small, inoffensive Torano College of the Fine Arts, or TCFA. The owner, called Manager-sama by his own insistence, has a way with these youth. He gives flexibly scheduled jobs with quite decent pay, so he has many applicants.

Whether or not they stay is another story. The owner is somewhat eccentric. He takes only young male staff, on the opinion that he wants to attract lots of young female customers. He also gives the wait staff a name to use on the job.

I _said _he was eccentric. For you see, this café is run by the infamous Urahara Kisuke.

I see by your reaction that you recognize the name.

Welcome to the Fruit Parlor Café. We hope you enjoy your stay.


	2. Introducing the Staff: Plum

**Fruit Parlor Cafe**

_Recipes for a Fruit Parfait _

Introducing the Staff: Plum

**-----**

Hey. My name is Hisagi Shūhei, 21 years old and attending TCFA in my third year. I'm going to be a stage manager sometime in the future – well, I plan to be, anyway. Stage manager or graphic designer; I'm in a double major. For the moment I work for that crazy old bastard Urahara at his weird café, the Fruit Parlor.

You may know me as the waiter Plum. Also the only technosavvy one of our entire bunch. You'd think that, us being college boys, we'd have a lot of technosavvies. Nope. Sometimes I think this is Manager's special form of torture for me. Byakuya, Uryū, Tōshirō, and Ulquiorra know their way around machines okay. Ichigo and Renji, well, you better give them really specific instructions. They listen, it's nice. Grimmjow – oh god in heaven, Grimmjow. If there was ever a man worse at tech, I think the world would explode. I really do.

Seeing as it hasn't, I think it's safe to say he's the worst at tech you're ever gonna get. Seriously, the man is a menace. What's worse is he won't admit it. He thinks it's the tech's fault it starts smoking when he gets within a foot of it.

Haaah.

Uh, anyway, in a place where I don't bitch about my coworkers, life is about as normal as you can get. I'm pretty normal too – black hair, brown eyes, pale skin, fairly tall, pretty skinny. Pretty much your average Asian guy. Except for the tattoos. I have a gray-blue stripe across my face, and a 69 on my left cheekbone. Don't ask, it's a long story. Anyway, I've also got three vertical scars over my right eye. That's another long story. It has to do with some personal issues, so don't worry about it.

So, my coworkers. In a not-bitching sense. Well, I've known Renji since forever, so let's start with him. Renji's an awesome guy. He listens, which isn't something I get a lot. They're usually too busy ogling my tattoo or ignoring me because I speak what people like to call 'technobabble.' He's also gorgeous, which he will never hear from my mouth unless a miracle happens and I muster the balls to tell him that I've been halfway in lust with him since I discovered my sexuality. Yeah, I'm openly gay. Why else would I have a fucking 69 on my face?

Moving along, Ulquiorra and Uryū give me the same kinds of blank vibes. I know there's depth to both of them, but it's so hard to get past their exteriors it's damn near impossible. Uryū's a little easier to read than Ulquiorra. If that man were any blanker, he'd be a brick wall.

Tōshirō's like a little brother. He's the youngest and the grumpiest of our mismatched little band. He's adorable, if that makes sense. He likes to pretend he doesn't care about any of us, but he really does. Ichigo's much the same way. He's less grumpy and more prone to complete misunderstandings, though.

Grimmjow is confrontational. It's really the only way I can figure out to put it. He would start fights at the drop of a hat, if he was allowed too. Fortunately for the rest of us, Urahara's got something over his head, so he doesn't. He and Ichigo have a rivalry going, and I'm half-expecting to see them kissing in dark corners any day now. Unless he starts kissing Ulquiorra first. Grimmjow gets utterly infuriated by Ulquiorra's lack of response to pretty much anything, so he tries everything to get him to react.

And, finally, Byakuya is a very aloof, detached sort of man. He's also possibly the only straight one of our group. I heard he had a fiancée, but she died in a car accident. Since then he's practically adopted her little sister, Rukia. That one is a very odd sort of relationship. I think they're both clinging to each other because they're the last each has of the woman. Like I said, hard to explain, and very sad.

"_Order up!"_

Well, that's my cue.


	3. Introducing the Staff: Blueberry

_(Quick A/N: Since everyone seems to be confused as to why Shuhei's Plum, it's because he's one of three dark-haired, dark-eyed staff Urahara had to find nicknames for. He decided to give Shuhei plum because it's a dark-colored fruit. And maybe Shuhei likes plum, I dunno yet. Once again, I remind my lovely readers that this story can be found at LiveJournal, and looks better there in my opinion. Ramble over, we return you to your regularly scheduled fic.)_

**Fruit Parlor Cafe**

_Recipes for a Fruit Parfait _

Introducing the Staff: Blueberry

**-----**

Manager Asshole says I should introduce myself. I say he should shove his introduction straight up his ass.

Che. Like that would actually work. Okay, I'm Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. Ain't nothin' I like more 'n a good fight. Why do I work at this fruity place? One word. Blackmail. Yep. See, I live with my aunt, 'cause she an' my little sis are the only family I got. Not exactly heartbroken over here. Yeah, my parents were neglectful assholes. Aunt says that's the reason I turned out like this. I say she's fulla shit.

Okay, back on track. Urahara knows my aunt. Shihōin Yoruichi is her name, and she and Manager Asshole go way back. Like, middle-school-way-back. Creepy, huh? So, anyway. Me an' my little sis (who's actually my half-sister, but who's keeping track?) Neliel Tu Oderschvank (mouthful, I know) lived in France 'til our ma died. I'm Japanese-French, Nel's Japanese-German. We have ma in common, who was Shihōin Noriko before her marriage, Yoruichi's little sister. So anyway, out of the tangled web of relations, Ma died. We got sent to her only living relative, Aunt Yoruichi. She took us in, god knows why. When I graduated high school (who the fuck has to pay for high school anyway? I'm just glad Aunt's rich, and we are too) I applied to TCFA, for a degree in tech theater. What are you lookin' at me like that for? I like light. Yoruichi was delighted when I got in, and immediately told me that I was getting a job at her nutjob friend's place or she was kicking me out. Seeing as I still have Nel to worry about, I took the job.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Anyway, like I said, I'm Japanese-French or Franco-Japanese, or whatever the fuck they call it. I'm ma's kid from her first good-for-nothing husband, Édouard Jeagerjaques. Neliel is ma's kid from her third good-for-nothing husband, Gerhardt Tu Oderschvank. I've got electric-blue hair, (okay, so it may be naturally blond, but I like it blue, dammit) electric-blue eyes with tattooed blue marks around them, (sensing a theme yet?) and tan skin (I like my out-of-doors). I'm buff, but not bulky, taller than practically everyone in this damn city, and people say I have attitude problems. I say they're shitheads. I say that about a lot of people. The only people I like in this goddamn city are my baby sis and maybe dandelion-head. That's Ichigo to the rest of you. Ichigo reminds me a lot of myself. He likes a good fight, he protects what's his and he doesn't take shit from anyone. I work with him, and he's almost the only tolerable one of the bunch.

Shūhei's fine as long as he isn't talking tech at me, and Renji's a lot like me an' Ichigo. Tōshirō is the moodiest little bitch you are _ever_ gonna meet, but he's got a decent attitude under the grump. He's also fun to rile up. It's the other three I hate. Byakuya's blank and bitchy, Uryū's holier-than-thou attitude makes me wanna punch him, and Ulquiorra is the blankest emo bitch I have _ever_ laid eyes on. He drives me absolutely _batshit._

So yeah, work sucks major ass. Gotta hand it to Manager Asshole, though, the pay is pretty sweet.

Y'know, sometimes I wonder if she ain't blackmailing the both of us. Me to work there and Urahara to keep me.


	4. Introducing the Staff: Cloudberry

**Fruit Parlor Cafe**

_Recipes for a Fruit Parfait _

Introducing the Staff: Cloudberry

**-----**

Let me give you my I-don't-give-a-flying-fuck look. Feel how very indifferent I am to your existence? Good. Now why did Manager want me to introduce myself?

Oh yeah, he said he'd dock my pay if I didn't. Fine. I'm Hitsugaya Tōshirō. I go by the name Cloudberry here. Yeah, I didn't know what the hell a cloudberry was either. I was ninety percent sure Urahara was making it up, so I looked it up online. Turns out it's a yellow-colored berry with white flowers that grows in alpine and sub-arctic conditions. I guess it fits, me being white-haired and a with a proclivity towards colder climates. I still think Urahara's insane. Actually, all of my coworkers do too, so maybe we're on to something. …Yeah.

What to talk about… well, I'm the youngest of the bunch, unfortunately. I'm nineteen and a second year at TCFA. I'm majoring in drawing and painting. So yeah, when I graduate I'm gonna starve. I think it's unfair that not only am I the youngest, I'm also the shortest. Uryū and Ichigo are the same age, 20, and Shūhei and Renji are both 21. Ulquiorra, Byakuya and Grimmjow are a year older than them.

So… I don't really know what to say. I hate talking to people. Cats are much easier. Hmm. Okay, I live with my mother, Ukitake Shiromi, my crazy uncle, Ukitake Jūshiro, and my two cats, Hoshi and Ame. I think Uncle went to college with Urahara, which would explain a few things. Uncle persists on thinking I'm ten, instead of nearly twenty. We don't live with Dad anymore. I'm not sure why Mom divorced him, but she did, and what's done is done. My uncle's closest friend, Kyōraku Shunsui calls us the Shiro-tachi. He's a crazy bastard, too. Lazy and alcoholic, to boot.

Why are half the adults I know absolutely insane? It doesn't make sense. I really hope it doesn't happen to me. I don't want to inflict the next generation with another version of Uncle.

Hmm… something other then that train of thought would be good. How about work? I have a decent job at the Fruit Parlor, and my coworkers don't drive me _completely_ insane. Just nearly. Byakuya, Ulquiorra, Uryū and I have an understanding. We don't mess around with each other, and are content to leave well enough alone. Something I can't really say about the rest of them. Shūhei is… like an older brother, I guess? A little annoying at times, but he gives you the vibe that you're good with him. If that made any sense. Now I remember why I don't like talking to people. I _always _get tongue-tied. Ichigo and Renji are pretty much cut from the same cloth. They tease mercilessly, although Ichigo is a little more sensitive most of the time. And prone to getting misunderstood. Um… I'm bad at describing people. Grimmjow is just flat-out maniacally insane. Though he does have some good qualities. He knows when to back off, he's protective in a pack-instinct-sort-of-way, which is something I find just a little funny in someone I associate so much with felines. He's got that feline don't-mess-with-me vibe going on, along with a couple other things.

This is why I always tell Momo I suck at talking to people. Because I really, _really_ do. She's the only one who consistently manages to understand me. Sometimes I really wish she wasn't involved with that crazy bastard Aizen. He and his creepy friend do not give me happy vibes at _all_.


	5. Introducing the Staff: Pineapple

**Fruit Parlor Café **

_Recipes for a Fruit Parfait _

Introducing the Staff: Pineapple

**-----**

Okay, Manager says to introduce myself. Generally I don't abide by what he says, 'cause he's fuckin' insane, but since he has the powers of the almighty – i.e. the power to dock my pay – I will. I'm Abarai Renji. I'm called Pineapple here; because of the way I wear my hair when I don't have time to braid it. Heh, that happened the day I got hired, and I haven't been able to live it down since.

So, me. Everyone says I'm a bit of a hippie, on account of the way I dress. My style is pretty weird, on account of it being mostly put together from thrift stores. I've never really had money, so thrift stores are my best friends, and you can put together a pretty neat wardrobe from those things. And this would be the point where Shū says I'm babbling.

I'm an orphan – never knew my parents. Social Services frightened me to death, so I ran away from the orphanage when I was four and lived on the streets. I met Shū when I was nine, and then I met his parents, and when they figured out I was homeless _and _uneducated they were promptly horrified, and proceeded to do something about it. It was quite the shift for me. I'd been living in a world where the only person I could trust was myself, and then suddenly I had four people who were all genuinely concerned about my well-being. Shūhei's parents didn't have room to adopt me, but that still didn't stop them. His dad, Hisagi Minoru, had an older sister, Hisagi Mitsuko, and they set me up with her. She was delighted – her husband had divorced her because she was unable to have kids, but she'd always wanted one.

So she adopted me, and took on the task of cramming enough knowledge in my head to be able to attend regular school. She did her job masterfully, and I'm now attending TCFA, majoring in drama. I'm going to be an actor, and Shū will be my stage manager. Or something. I'd follow Shūhei anywhere. I don't think he knows it, but once he got into TCFA, I followed him because I don't want to ever leave him. It probably sounds stupid, but it's true. I don't ever want to be apart from him, but I know he's eventually going to leave me. He'll find somebody nice and then he'll go his own merry way, and I won't stop him. I want the best for him.

Anyway, on a less personal-and-highly-embarrassing note, I work for the craziest bastard in all of Tokyo, Urahara Kisuke. He has this little café, which is actually really good, despite weirdness. Shūhei works there too. So, my coworkers. Ichigo reminds me a lot of myself, only he's more awkward and orange haired. Grimmjow is also a bit like me, only much more violent and short-tempered. I still don't know why Urahara keeps him. Tōshirō is the grumpiest little snowball-headed bastard I've ever met, while still being a decent person to hang out with. Uryū is annoying and kinda girly. I mean, he _sews_. He's _majoring_ in fuckin' _sewing_, or some such shit. I know just because a guy does a thing that's generally associated with chicks, it doesn't make him girly – I _cook_, for crying out loud – but he takes it to a whole new level of girly. _Anyway_. Ulquiorra is really fuckin' boring. The only person who can actually make him react to anything – and I mean anything, the guy has the best poker face in the history of poker faces – is Grimmjow. So generally I don't bother him and he doesn't bother me.

Byakuya is a bit like Ulquiorra, only I hate his guts. See, when he swanned in with an application he brought someone I knew along. His little 'sister.' Remember how I said I lived at an orphanage until I was four? Well, so did she and Hisana. Hisana was actually the one who inspired me to grow my hair long, because she said the color was unique and suited me. Rukia was a year younger than me, but she still remembered me. I was her Renji-nīchan. Byakuya apparently took offense to this, and basically told me I was a peasant unfit to keep either of then company in more flowery language. Rukia apparently didn't want to question his judgment, so she said 'sorry' and left with the bastard. I hate him. He took away the last good memory I had from before I met Shūhei. The last little remnant of Hisana-nēchan. And he acts as if I don't exist. It hurts pretty badly.

Rukia has been disobeying him a little bit, which is why I haven't punched his stupid, pretty face in. She'll say hi, or invite me out for coffee, and we'll talk about everything and nothing. It's good to have my imōto back.


	6. Introducing the Staff: Blackberry

Fruit Parlor Café

Recipes for a Fruit Parfait

Introducing the Staff: Blackberry

**-----**

Hello, My name is Ishida Uryū. You will probably recognize me if you have ever been to the Fruit Parlor café. I am the waiter with the moniker 'Blackberry.' I work for a very eccentric man, Urahara Kisuke. The rest of my coworkers have formed the consensus that Manager-san is insane, and some days I am inclined to believe them. Other days he's just a highly odd man who doesn't know how to be quiet. Each of his employees is given a different fruit-related moniker. Manager-san says it's to complement the name of the store. It's quite annoying when someone who knows me from the café tries to get my attention on campus. Ah, yes. I am 20, attending the Torano College of Fine Arts in my third year. I'm majoring in fashion design with a minor in costume design, and anyone worth their salt will know that they are very different things.

My father is my only living family member, and we are estranged. He didn't approve of my career choice, as he wanted me to follow his lead and become a doctor. I think he wanted me to inherit his hospital when he retired. Ever since grandfather died, we have not been on speaking terms, either. It's not something I like to discuss. My mother died when I was young, which was unfortunate for me, as my father did not really know how to raise a child. As a result, grandfather took over most of that. He was more a parent to me than my father was. I live on my own now, in the college dorms. Urahara's café came as a blessing, as they pay well enough to help me cover most of my tuition and housing, as I got in on several scholarships.

So, my coworkers. I work with possibly the most mismatched parcel of people I have ever known. Half of them are quite polite, tolerable individuals. The other half is completely insane, I swear to kami-sama. Okay, the tolerable, sane half. Kuchiki Byakuya is a very polite fellow, upper class and somewhat sad. I heard he was grieving, because his fiancée passed away earlier in the year. I feel somewhat bad for him. Schiffer Ulquiorra is a calm, blank sort of person. Not much fazes him. He seems somewhat lonely to me. He only moved here because his mother died, you know. He's a good person to have a debate with, as he builds very convincing arguments. Hitsugaya Tōshirō is somewhat bad-tempered, often snapping for no reason. He has high stress levels, and I've tried to recommend seeing a doctor, but he doesn't seem to think he needs to. Perhaps an acupuncturist? He might listen to that one. He's a very stubborn individual, and I think he may have a stress disorder from his parent's divorce. Hisagi Shūhei is an interesting individual, very 'technosavvy,' as he puts it. He does have a definite gift for technology. I respect that sort of thing. Unfortunately, he's also the best of friends with several of the rougher sort, and is fairly rough himself.

On to the half I can't stand, then. First off is Abarai Renji. He's loud, rough, and I'm almost positive he's got to be yakuza with tattoos like that. He likes to fight, as do his friends. I'm not sure how he and Hisagi, someone I find mildly tolerable, are so very close. It's a rather confusing situation, theirs. Next is Kurosaki Ichigo. He doesn't usually initiate fights, which is something of a relief. He will if he gets riled up enough, and he will also participate in fights. Otherwise he's a rather intelligent person. Last is Jeagerjaques Grimmjow, who fights at the drop of a hat. I think he may also be a yakuza, though he doesn't have tattoos other than the ones around his eyes. Who gets tattoos around their _eyes_, anyway? Other than a masochist, which I'm _fairly_ certain Jeagerjaques is not. You never know, though. He also likes to try to rile people into fighting. Kurosaki is his most successful victim, although his favorite seems to be Schiffer. One has to be a master at the art of indifference to ignore Jeagerjaques as Schiffer does.

On another note, I think Inoue-san is coming in today. It's always a delight to see her. Maybe she will bring her friend, Arisawa-san, to keep the others occupied. It's always nice if I can hold a conversation with Inoue-san without having the idiot brigade interrupting.


	7. Introducing the Staff: Sour Apple

**Fruit Parlor Café **

_Recipes for a Fruit Parfait _

Introducing the Staff: Sour Apple

**-----**

My name is Ulquiorra Schiffer. I work at the Fruit Parlor café in downtown Tokyo, where I go by the moniker Sour Apple. I am 22 years old and in my fourth year at Torano College of Fine Arts. I'm majoring in graphic design. I'm not natively Japanese, I was born in Germany, and I hold a dual citizenship there. I'm German-Japanese. Father is German, and Mother was Japanese. We lived in Germany until right after my graduation from high school. The reason we moved was that my Mother died in a plane crash, when I was midway through my senior year. Father decided we should move back to Mother's home after I had graduated, so I had the choice of staying in Germany for college or moving with him.

We both ended up moving, and I now live with my father in a small apartment. I found Torano College, enrolled, and found a job to help Father with the bills – at the Fruit Parlor. I'm a quiet person, and I could almost pass for a regular Japanese citizen were it not for the small differences in my facial structure. I am not very tall, with a runner's build. I have shoulder-length black hair and bright green eyes that often get mistaken for contact lenses.

My job is acceptable. My coworkers and boss leave something to be desired, however. Urahara Kisuke is quite possibly the most annoying man to set foot on this earth. He is consistently irreverent, prone to teasing the more volatile of his employees, and he is _very _immature. Kurosaki and Jeagerjaques are his most frequent victims.

Kuchiki is a lot like myself, which is acceptable, and we respect each other. Ishida is a very strange individual, but he does know when to leave well enough alone. He respects the fact that I do not like people. Hitsugaya also respects this part of my personality. He is a little more volatile than Ishida, but also less odd. I respect him. Hisagi is talented in the ways of computers and technology, and this makes him a valuable part of our workforce. He can be crude and loud occasionally, but he respects my personal boundaries. Abarai and Kurosaki are very alike as well. They are loud, boisterous and do not respect my personal boundaries very well. So I reinforce it for them. Quite a lot. They have a kind of grudging respect for me now, and will generally leave me alone after a couple tries to make me socialize. The one I cannot stand at all, who I have _no_ respect for, is Jeagerjaques. I fail to see how that man is even in college. He is loud, violent, reckless, irreverent, disrespectful, and just about everything else in the entire damn book.

He also seems to think it's his personal mission in life to get me to fight him. So far I have resisted, but he makes it very difficult. There's something about him that just grates on my nerves horribly. He is the embodiment of all the reasons I hate people, social life, and – just _people_. I will be very surprised if I survive to graduation sane at the rate he's going.


	8. Introducing the Staff: Strawberry

Fruit Parlor Café

Recipes for a Fruit Parfait

Introducing the Staff: Strawberry

**-----**

Hey, I'm Kurosaki Ichigo. No, it's not written _'strawberry.'_ You wouldn't believe how many times I have to correct people. It's actually written _'one who protects.'_ I think my mother named me, which is the only reason I don't try to kill my dad over it.

Anyway, I live in downtown Tokyo at the Kurosaki Clinic with my family. I'm told my family's kinda eccentric. Those who say that are probably right. The only other adult besides me is my dad, Kurosaki Isshin. He's crazy. Halfway through middle school, he decided that he would help me with my martial arts. So he comes and wakes me up every morning with some sort of ridiculous move that ends up with us fighting until Yuzu calls us down for breakfast. My mom died in a car accident when I was nine. She and I were walking home from karate practice – it had run late. It was raining, and someone lost control of his car. She threw me out of the way, but died herself. As it was I was in the hospital for three days. When I was in high school, I always thought _'it shouldn't have been her,' _or_ 'if I could have done something.'_ My dad helped me snap myself out of it, in one of the bizarrely insightful moments he has.

Okay, on to more cheerful subjects. I have two little sisters, fraternal twins. Yuzu looks a lot like mom, like me. She's the most adorable girl in the world. When Mom died, she took up all the household stuff, and I helped her where I could. Mom had been teaching me how to cook, so in turn I taught Yuzu. I helped her figure out the cleaning and all that too. She wanted me to. Karin, on the other hand, hasn't got a domestic bone in her body. After Mom died she became a bit of a loner, saying she could take care of herself. She bottles things up badly, and sometimes she breaks. I'm there for her, though, and she's promised to pull my spleen out through my nose if I tell anyone, so it's our secret.

My life is fairly normal. I take care of people, I work for a crazy guy, and I go to college. I'm at Torano, down the street, majoring in drawing and painting with a minor in tech theater. I'm going to have a fun time finding a job with either of those, I can tell you that right now. In the meantime, like I said, I work for Urahara Kisuke, the nuttiest guy I know, with the possible exception of my old man. I'm waiter Strawberry at the Fruit Parlor Café, and let me tell you, I seriously want to maim Manager for that name. But I won't. 'Cause I could get arrested, and then who'd look after my sisters? Dad? Ha. I laugh at you.

…Not really. When he lays off the weirdo act he's a good guy. He's my dad after all.

Anyway, my coworkers are also a fairly crazy lot. I work with two brick walls, Kuchiki Byakuya and Schiffer Ulquiorra. Byakuya's got more of a temper than Ulquiorra, but green-eyes can be damn scary when he wants to be. I also work with the one guy I could safely tell you was the gayest guy in existence, except for the fact he's head over heels for a girl. His name's Ishida Uryū. He's just plain weird. Next up is the grumpy snowball, Hitsugaya Tōshirō. He's actually pretty cute, in a literal sense. He looks kinda like he's just hit sixteen, when he's actually nineteen. It's pretty strange, but if you comment on his height, be prepared to do some serious defending. He's a damn good martial artist-slash-kendoist.

The other three are more my crowd. Hisagi Shūhei is a little quieter than me, but fun to talk with and stuff. He's got a serious thing for Renji, who has a serious thing for him too, and it's pretty funny that neither of them notice. Abarai Renji's like my long-lost twin or something, I swear. We get along really well, like actual brothers might. The last one of my coworkers is Jeagerjaques Grimmjow. He's from France, though he's threatened me with decapitation if I tell anyone. He doesn't like the whole gaijin-antipathy thing a lot of the kids at school have going on. He lives with his sister, and they have a relationship that reminds me a lot of mine with my sisters. He's a good guy, even if he doesn't want to admit it.


	9. Introducing the Staff: Black Cherry

**Fruit Parlor Café **

_Recipes for a Fruit Parfait _

Introducing the Staff: Black Cherry

**-----**

I am Kuchiki Byakuya. You may refer to me as Kuchiki. Informality with the lower classes is generally frowned upon. I have only ever broken this rule once. That was with my fiancée. She was a wonderful, beautiful person, and I could not help but love her.

She is gone, now. All I have left of her is her sister, Rukia. I sometimes feel I have failed her, in some form. It is difficult, now. My position in the Family was, I suppose you could say, tainted for lack of a better word; by my love for a woman below my status. I was told, rather brusquely, that if I wanted to be independent that badly, I could do it _all _myself. I was summarily discharged from my parent's home, and had to find my own way. This is the main reason I now attend Torano College for the Fine Arts, and work at the Fruit Parlor Café. It's a petty sort of rebellion, but She always loved my paintings. So I decided to honor her in that way, and I am now majoring in drawing and painting.

I also had to find a job, and I never expected to end up hired by Urahara Kisuke. The man is notorious for being a genius in science and medicine, which confused me. Why would one of the best medical researchers of our time want to quit and open a café in downtown Tokyo? I admit, I took the job half on curiosity. The other half was purely financial in nature. He pays remarkably well, which I needed even with the fairly generous stipend I still receive from the Family.

If I did not need the money, I am sure I would not work here. Urahara-san has some very strange eccentricities. One being the fact that he insists on the use of monikers whilst working. I am called Black Cherry, much to my dismay.

Although if She were still alive, I cannot help but think she would have loved the place, all its eccentricities included. I believe she would have also loved all of my unruly coworkers. She always had such a heart about her. Unfortunately, I feel I have horrifically wronged the one she would be closest to, the one she knew as a child in the orphanage. Abarai Renji, so much like my beloved that it hurts to be around him. He is loud, and unafraid of emotion. He wears his heart on his sleeve and doesn't shy away from emotional pain as I do. He is probably the stronger man for it. He's also rather obliviously in love with Hisagi Shūhei. I say oblivious, because neither man realizes that his feelings are very, _very _reciprocated. Hisagi is a good individual, more reserved than Abarai, but still very free with his feelings. Kurosaki Ichigo is again, like Abarai. He is prone to becoming embarrassed, unlike Abarai. Jeagerjaques Grimmjow is an entity all to himself, however. He is loud, brash rude, and prone to starting fights. I hold no particular like of him.

The other half of the Fruit Parlor's employees are more reserved, which is a relief. Hitsugaya Tōshirō is a generally quiet person, with a large streak of ill temper. I don't begrudge him that temper, though. He is a good person, despite it. Ishida Uryū is a slightly peculiar character. At first glance, one would think that the man is of a different persuasion, but once you have observed him for a while, you notice that he is head over heels for one of our regulars, who happens to be a girl. He is somewhat of a contradiction. Schiffer Ulquiorra is a lot like myself. He is reserved an calm by nature, dangerous if disturbed and capable of looking out for himself. I fear he will not find something every man should be looking for, what I found with Her. I will continue to hope that he finds the thing that makes life more worth living.

But now I must return to work.

-----

Sorry, folks. I completely didn't realize I hadn't posted this chapter over on this site. I thought I had, and evidently I have a memory like a sieve. Please accept my heartfelt apologies. I think I'll have something new for you lot in the near future.

Sorry again! Flaky blonds shan't rule the world for a _reason_, people!


	10. Valentine's Day Mayhem: Pineapple Flavor

**Fruit Parlor Café **

_Recipes for a Fruit Parfait _

Valentine's Day Mayhem – Pineapple Flavor

**-----**

So it started out as a regular day. I mean, I woke up with the nagging suspicion I was forgetting something, but I was wearing my pajamas, no pants missing, nothing weird stuck in my hair or anything, so I couldn't figure out what it was. I remembered I didn't have any classes, it being a Saturday, so I had work all day. I racked my brains, remembered I didn't have to open, and went downstairs to get breakfast and say hi to Mitsuko.

Mitsuko had a funny expression, like she knew something I didn't, but I decided not to bother with it. Sleepiness does that to a bloke. And Mitsuko can be downright scary sometimes. So I had breakfast, ran upstairs to get dressed and fix my hair. I then called Shūhei for a ride. Shū has the sweetest motorcycle you ever laid eyes on, all gleaming black and silver and so very obviously well-taken-care-of. Not long after the two of us were sailing along the road at speeds that probably weren't safe and definitely weren't legal. We arrived at the back entrance in no time flat, greeting Ichigo as he ambled in, looking grumpier than usual.

"What crawled up your ass and died?" I asked him, feeling rather curious. Shūhei also looked mildly interested. Ichigo gave us the requisite glare and mumbled something before disappearing into the locker room to get changed. We exchanged confused glances.

"Did you catch any of that?" Shūhei asked. I shook my head.

"Not a word." There was a sudden, muffled yell of outrage from the locker room, and we exchanged glances again, and came to a wordless consensus to brave the Room Of Horrors. Ichigo was standing in front of his locker, apparently having a staring contest with his uniform. "What's the matter, berry-head?" I asked. "You wear it every day, not like it's gonna bitecha or something."

"I wouldn't be so certain." He said grimly, and pulled out his uniform. Shūhei grimaced. I blinked.

"Wait, why's it different?" I asked. Tōshirō popped his head in and scowled at us.

"Yes, that's the uniform today, and yes you have to wear it. Manager says if you even drop one part he'll dock you." He informed us, looking grouchier than usual too.

"_Why?!_" Ichigo and I demanded in unison. Shū looked as if someone had just dropped a two-by-four on his head and groaned, palming his face.

"…It's Valentine's Day, isn't it?" He asked. Tōshirō nodded. All of us groaned in unison.

"Do none of you own calendars, or what?" The snowball asked. Shūhei and Ichigo looked sheepish.

"Don't really use it…" Shūhei mumbled. Ichigo nodded.

"If it's really important Yuzu usually tells me, only she's sick today." He frowned again. "I was wondering why she seemed so disappointed." They both looked at me.

"Calendars just seem like a waste of money to me. I never use them anyway. I think Mitsuko has one – hey! She knew and she didn't even have the decency to warn me!" I yelped. Shūhei smirked.

"Yeah, that sounds like Aunt." He said, running a hand through his hair. Tōshirō rolled his eyes.

"Just get dressed, remember Manager's warning and get out here to help me with customers already." He said, annoyed as per usual. I opened my locker and faced the menace. Instead of the usual nondescript black slacks and black button-up, there were white slacks and a white button-up, which I put on without complaint, a dark pink waistcoat, which I put on with _much_ mental bitching, and a white waist-apron with a border of hearts at the bottom and at the tops of the pockets in my signature (at least, signature _here_) ruby-red. Urahara-bastard has even anticipated me and included a ruby-colored bandanna to hide the majority of my tattoos, which I reluctantly put on.

I turned to inspect my companions, who were dressed much the same way, though Ichigo's waistcoat was in that weird shade of pink that actually _goes_ with the orange of his hair, and Shūhei had a pale pink waistcoat. Both had heart borders in their colors, although Ichigo's was a paler shade of orange than usual.

"Well, time to face the music." I sighed, pushing through the doors and signing myself in on the timesheet.

"Yup." Ichigo nodded.

"Another day at the madhouse, here we come." Shūhei said sardonically.


	11. Valentine's Day Mayhem:Blackberry Flavor

Fruit Parlor Café

Recipes for a Fruit Parfait

Valentine's Day Mayhem – Blackberry Flavor

* * *

Being a costuming major has its advantages. For one thing I get to help Manager-san when he picks up crazy notions. The latest one is dressing up for holidays. It also ensures that the outfits I end up having to wear are tastefully designed and well color-coordinated. It's Valentine's Day today, one of the reasons I'm opening the café today. The other is so I can replace the ordinary uniforms in the locker room with the holiday specific ones.

Matching colors for a holiday theme is always slightly difficult, ours being such a wide array of not-pureblood-Japanese. For this particular uniform, I had to find the shades of pink everyone looks best in. Not an easy task. Schiffer, Kuchiki, Hisagi and myself all, very luckily, have pureblood Japanese coloring, so the four of us were easy to do, all shades of a medium-grade pink. No problem. Abarai was a little more difficult, as the particular crimson of his hair is slightly hard to match. Contrary to popular belief, not every shade of pink goes with red. In fact, the best shade is a very dark one. Hitsugaya wasn't tricky at all; albino colorings have their advantages. He looks best in paler colors, so a nice almost icy pink suits him well. Jeagerjaques has never worn pink in his entire life, I'd wager, but looks best, with his decidedly Western coloring, in a shade of ashes-of-roses. Kurosaki was the hardest to match, as he is more of a true redhead, and everyone knows redheads don't look good in pink. Luckily I found what must be the only shade of pink in existence to actually go with his hair. I consider myself lucky.

Hmmm. Yes, I think I would probably be dead if they figured out why I was opening today.

Ah well, life goes on. I will admit to a bit of anticipation, Kuchiki, Schiffer and Hitsugaya should be arriving soon for the morning rush.

Speak of the Devil and he shall come for you. There are Schiffer and Kuchiki now.

"Good morning," I greeted politely. They nodded in greeting, but I was not offended. It's just their way. I heard Hitsugaya come in the back way and hurried to the dressing room to catch their reactions. I wouldn't miss this for the world.

I was not disappointed. Hitsugaya's expression was especially humorous. He poked the fabric tentatively, as if it would bite him. The other two stared at the new uniforms with expressions of longsuffering disbelief. Hitsugaya immediately stormed out of the room, making a beeline for Manager-san's office with murder in his face. All three of us turned towards the loudly-slammed door, thoroughly interested. I, of course, knew it would not work. We were going to have to wear the uniforms anyway, and I thought they were rather tastefully designed, having been the one to design them. There was the sounds of a badly-muffled, very loud argument, and Schiffer sighed and went to work. I followed example, as did Kuchiki.

Hitsugaya joined us a few minutes later looking thoroughly disgruntled. But he was wearing the uniform. I smiled internally at my excellent color choices, and went back to work.

Today would be a Good Day. Perhaps Inoue-san would even stop in. That would make it even better.

"Welcome, miss, to the Fruit Parlor Café. This way to your table, please."


	12. Valentine's Day Mayhem: Plum Flavor

Fruit Parlor Café

Recipes for a Fruit Parfait

Valentine's Day Mayhem – Plum Flavor

* * *

It started out a normal enough day. I woke up, went to my morning class and then dropped by Renji's to pick him up. As usual, it looked like he'd just gotten up, hair in a messy braid and bandanna around his forehead. He greeted me with a smile, that one that makes my heart almost skip a beat. We were due for the afternoon rush, which started around twelve. I just thanked my stars we didn't have the morning rush – the café opens at seven. We met Ichigo at the back door, looking grumpier than usual. We got into the locker room, to a rather nasty surprise. Urahara's latest plot, no doubt.

Our uniforms were pink. Varying pinks. To match our varying colorations, no doubt. I had a suspicion of Ishida's hand in it.

Hitsugaya wandered in looking pissed, and told us, quite straightforwardly (something I quite like about the snowball) that we had to wear the uniforms or risk dire punishments from Urahara regarding our pay. I made the unfortunate revelation that it was, in fact, Valentine's Day. Hitsugaya was disgusted over the fact that apparently none of them knew how to use calendars, and, after obligatory complaints, I put on the new uniform.

I couldn't help but rake my eyes over Renji's slim, muscled form. I had to admit, whomever it was who had picked the colors had done a beautiful job. He looked gorgeous.

I tore my eyes away with effort, and went to face the music. As I had suspected, there were girls everywhere. There were a surprising number that were single, ass well as in couples, and I could see at least five dark purple wrapped gifts on tables. Dark purple is my trademark color, so I resigned myself to needing to make several trips back to put them away.

Sure enough, first girl I assisted, I got a small package, wrapped neatly. It was chocolate with coconut in it. I hate coconut, but I didn't tell the girl. No reason to – Renji loves the stuff.

As I passed Ishida, I noticed that he looked rather smug. I figured I was right in my suspicions. Urahara had probably recruited Ishida into the whole thing.

"Good color choice on Renji's." I commented in passing. He nodded absently.

"It was a little difficult, but not as hard as Kurosaki's." He replied. Then he did a glorious double take at me. I threw him a smirk and went back to delivering a table full of girls their fruit smoothies.

"Now, strawberry-peach for you, blueberry-raspberry for you, and peach-mango for you, lovely ladies." I said, delivering the smoothies to the appropriate girls. Clad in high-school uniforms, they all giggled in chorus and one of them, the peach-mango, presented me with another small purple package. I smiled graciously.

"Please take this, Plum-san! I made it especially for you! I heard you liked pineapples, so…" She trailed off, blushing. I know I blushed a bit too. How in Kami's sweet earth had she heard _that_? Not that it was false, but – _pineapple_! I managed to keep a straight face and accept the gift with grace, carefully not looking at Renji.

It was his fault. Somehow.


	13. Valentine's Day Mayhem:BlackCherryFlavor

Fruit Parlor Café

Recipes for a Fruit Parfait

Valentine's Day Mayhem – Black Cherry Flavor

* * *

I do not like the Western holiday of Valentine's. Not only does it have its roots in a religion I do not practice, it is also overly commercialized, overly publicized, and all together undignified. A man nearing graduation from university should not be receiving gifts from girls still in middle and high school.

Although Rukia is fond of the vast amount of unwanted chocolate I invariably bring home with me. It isn't quite polite to refuse a gift willingly given, even if you do not want it. It is rude, and unbecoming of one born to higher standards.

And Urahara-san has finally compounded this travesty. We are to wear _special_ uniforms today. As if I hadn't hated this holiday enough. We are being made to wear varying shades of pink.

I hate pink. That is all I have to say on the matter

Although the girls we serve seem to be of a differing opinion. I have been hearing increasing giggling, from practically everywhere.

This is undignified. Had I known what was in store for me today, I would have stayed home and done the unthinkable. Called in sick. And then Rukia would visit, fearing the apocalypse nigh, I suppose.

I know that I am being short almost to the point of rudeness to my overly… _energetic_ customers, but I cannot bring myself to care. At this point it seems moot. I do not like this holiday, and I will not pretend for the sake of anyone else that I do.

Although I cannot help but believe that Hisana would find this all ridiculously charming. I only ever ate the chocolates that she gave to me. I suppose it was partly our courtship, her giving me her best attempts at homemade chocolate – not bad, but definitely not the best in the universe – and when White Day rolled around, I would give her something beautiful in white that had reminded me of her.

Hold that thought.

If Urahara-san is doing something for Valentine's, is he also doing something for White Day? The thought is almost too horrifying to contemplate, but I wouldn't put it past the man.

"Kuchiki. Are you quite well?" I looked to my left, to see the puzzled, mildly concerned, bespectacled frown of Ishida.

"Yes. I was merely… entertaining some disturbing thoughts." I replied, keeping my outward composure. He nodded, and passed me a tray.

"For table five – watch out, though. I saw a package for you there." He told me. I nodded acceptance of the warning and returned to my job.

More candy for Rukia, I suppose. She'll be happy, even if I won't.


	14. Valentine's Day Mayhem:Strawberry Flavor

Fruit Parlor Café

Recipes for a Fruit Parfait

Valentine's Day Mayhem – Strawberry Flavor

* * *

Yuzu's sick today. I thought she was more depressed than she usually is when she's sick, and I figured out why when I got to work. It's Valentine's Day. I really don't like this holiday. It really seems pointless and superficial, and depressing to those without a significant other and who care at the same time. I've really never held too much stock in it to begin with, so it's never been much of a deal for me. Yuzu really gets into it, though. I hope old goatface manages to keep her in bed, instead of trying to cook chocolates for us.

She gets all donned up in a mask when she wants to cook but is still sick. It's kinda adorable, but really bad for her. I'm going to try to get off work early so I can make supper for us. She really needs to let other people take a bit of the burden from her.

Karin's worried too, in her own way. I'm not sure she knew it was Valentine's either. It'd be funny, though, to see if Manager's nephew, Jinta, got Karin-chocolates, though. She's actually a pretty mean hand with the candy thermometer.

Anyway, Manager's found new and exciting ways to torment us all this holiday. We're all got up in pink, and it's pretty damn nauseating. I'm still at a loss as to how anyone can find a pink that goes with my hair.

Though Tōshirō looks really good in it, I give him that. The guy looks really good in really pale, icy colors. But I really shouldn't be watching him, even if I really want to paint him. I should be working! Or something.

Heh. I really want to see Grimmjow's reaction to the uniform, but he's working the late shift, and I want to be gone by then. I turned to my next customer. A rather familiar little girl.

"Ururu! Where's your brother?" Ururu Tsumugiya is hardly ever seem without her half-brother, Jinta Hanakiri. They're orphans, technically. It's kinda like how Grimmjow and his sister are, half-siblings with living fathers who abandoned their now-deceased mother.

"Jinta's with Karin-kun, and he said they were coming. I think they were playing baseball." She replied in her quiet voice. I grinned at her.

"C'mon, kid. I bet your uncle will let me get you a smoothie on him. Whatcha want?" I asked, guiding her over to a table. For some reason, all of a sudden, a lot of the girls were watching me with really weird smiles. They seem to get like that whenever I interact with kids. Like my sisters. I don't get it.

"…Lemon-melon. I want lemon-melon, Ichigo-san." Another thing I like about the girl. She didn't insist on using the ridiculous monikers. Although there are times I really question the child's taste buds. Although she's not nearly as bad as Orihime. I seriously don't get that girl.

"Whatever you say." I said, smiling anyway. "I'll get it right away."

"Also, Ichigo-san, this is for you." She said, holding out a chocolate star in orange-tinted cellophane. "Also, one for Uncle Isshin and Yuzu-chan." She added, also giving me one wrapped in pink cellophane and another in blue. "I already gave Karin-kun hers." I smiled at her.

"Thanks. I'll make sure they get them." I said, and ruffled her hair gently. I heard some weird cooing noises behind me, and turned around. A lot of the girls were staring at me with rather odd expressions. I really don't get girls.

But whatever. Back to work.


	15. Valentine's Day Mayhem:Sour Apple Flavor

Fruit Parlor Café

Recipes for a Fruit Parfait

Valentine's Day Mayhem – Sour Apple Flavor

* * *

I have absolutely nothing to say on the state of Urahara Kisuke's sanity. It has clearly gone straight out the window. Nothing more remains of it. I would gladly do the same for his mortal remains, but society frowns on manslaughter. Clearly he is also past the realms of manly dignity. If he was not, he would never have inflicted this travesty upon us.

No man should be, against his will, forced to wear such a feminine color as pink. It is degrading. If a man chooses to wear pink, that is another story. A rather bizarre one, in any case, but still. It would even be a perfectly fine color but for the fact that society has labeled is a Girl Color.

And that is not even getting me started on the Western inanity that is Valentine's Day. Originally it had something to do with martyrs, which is at least _interesting_, but now it is thoroughly commercialized and hopeless. And the girls. Love. It.

I, needless to say, _do not_. Not do I particularly enjoy getting bombarded with invariably pink-and-green wrapped gifts from girls I do not even know. Ones that I am supposed to be maintaining a professional relationship with. I have given up all hope that this day will be even remotely good – I am thanking the kami that I did not have to serve the afternoon crowd. No, I had the morning shift, which was bad enough, and now I must go back in and serve the evening crowd.

With _Jeagerjacques_.

Not only has this day been bad, it has now plummeted to the realm of positively _awful_. I do not even have the ballast that is Kuchiki to temper the sheer force of nature that is Grimmjow Jeagerjacques. No, instead I have Abarai and Hisagi, who will be far too busy making mooneyes at one another while the other is not looking. Grimmjow has been making noises about those two and getting locked in a closet, and I have to say it must be the only thing I've ever agreed with him about.

Though I will admit, I am looking forward, with utterly vindictive pleasure, to seeing his reaction to the uniform change.

It should be quite priceless, and I intend on capturing it on video, somehow. I believe my phone has a camera setting – I will see Hisagi about helping me with this.

Ah, at the workplace once more, and into the kami-awful uniform. I am pleased that there is no sign of Jeagerjacques – it will give me a moment to recruit Hisagi into my plan.

"Hisagi." Spoken in my usual monotone.

"Eh, Schiffer? D'you need something?" He asked, rather surprised. I nodded, holding out my phone.

"Your assistance. I wish to know if you will assist me capturing Jeagerjacques' reaction." I said. His face lit up with diabolical glee, and he accepted my phone without any further prompting. We hurried back to the locker room, remaining just out of sight. About five minutes later, Jeagerjacques appeared and went to his locker, grouchily slamming it open, only to recoil in horror.

"_WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT?_"

Payback's a bitch, Jeagerjacques.


	16. Valentine's Day Mayhem:Cloudberry Flavor

Fruit Parlor Café

Recipes for a Fruit Parfait

Valentine's Day Mayhem – Cloudberry Flavor

* * *

Valentine's Day is annoying. Almost everything is annoying on some level, though. Take my uncle, for instance. Today I did not get up before he did, so he made us a Western-style breakfast. I'm an early riser, so I'm usually in charge of breakfast. I like to make a simple fare, rice, miso soup, grilled fish and some pickles. However, this was a bad night for Uncle's tuberculosis – Uncle Shunsui always says I should call it 'consumption', more poetic or something, but then we all knew he was bonkers. So Uncle Jūshirō was up for most of the early morning hours. Therefore, he decided to surprise us with breakfast. Mom was happy, Uncle Shunsui was happy. I was not.

I don't like sweets, much less sweets for breakfast. Uncle likes to make Western pancakes, which is fine. I'd prefer it if he made honeycakes, as those are the only sweets I really enjoy. Even then, I don't want to eat them for breakfast. But we had no honey, which is what I usually put on the pancakes, only syrup, which is _far_ too sweet. We were also out of currant jam. So I tried to make do with butter, and then Shunsui poured syrup all over them. So I managed to stomach one, and gave the rest to Mom.

Uncle also made eggs, which was his saving grace today. And then I got to work, and any semblance of good about this day was shattered. We're being made to wear pink uniforms. My life may be over. I got into a… _very loud_ argument with Urahara about it. Although I was the only one being loud about it – Urahara was just being smug being that infernal fan of his.

I really want to take a live katana to that thing. Oooh, that would be such sweet revenge.

Anyway, when the afternoon shift came it I kind of yelled at them. I felt bad, especially after seeing the kind of mood Ichigo was already in. Apparently one of his sisters is sick – he's kind of an overprotective brother type. He actually looked good in the uniform, too, much as he didn't look like he wanted to be in it.

He's really good with kids. He's with Ururu – Manager's niece, right now, and all the girls are looking nauseatingly sweet about it. Almost like they're going to start –

Cooing. Kami, sometimes I hate it when I'm right. Heh. Ichigo has no idea what they're doing.

"Hey, Cloudberry." A voice, to my left. I seem to have been spacing out. I turned around. Behind me was Ichigo's black-haired sister, Karin, I believe her name was. She had a firm grip on the wrist of Jinta, Manager's nephew. They're sickeningly cute together, in a violent sort of way. He was carrying a baseball bat over his shoulder, and she had a baseball glove in her hand, along with a chocolate wrapped in red cellophane.

"Hey, Karin. Ururu's over there. Let me get you over there." I navigated them over to the table, where Ichigo was just arriving with Ururu's smoothie. He flashed a grin at us, and I felt that peculiar sensation in the pit of my stomach. Whenever he smiles. I swear I'm contracting something – Uncle's given me tuberculosis.

"Hey kids, Tōshirō." He greeted, deliberately ignoring my muttered _'It's Hitsugaya, idiot.'_ Karin grinned up at him – they had the same smile. "What do you guys want?"

"I'd like a coke float." Jinta said. Ichigo nodded.

"I'd like a strawberry-banana smoothie, Ichi-nii." Karin chirped. Ichigo smiled at her, slightly bemused.

"Alright. What's gotten you so chirpy?" I was wondering, too – usually Karin has a personality rather akin to her older brother.

"Nothing!" She said. I totally didn't buy it. Neither did Ichigo.

"Well, whatever this nothing is, as long as it's legal, I hope it keeps up." He grinned again, and ruffled her hair. "C'mon Tōshirō, we've got a couple of orders to fill – you're better at the smoothie machine than I am."


	17. Valentine's Day Mayhem: Blueberry Flavor

Fruit Parlor Café

Recipes for a Fruit Parfait

Valentine's Day Mayhem – Blueberry Flavor

* * *

I'm really glad I managed to swing only doing the evening shift at work today. I feel bad for everyone else, though. They're going to be up to their ears in fawning girls.

Wait. Naw, I don't. I've been laughing my ass off all day. Well, when I haven't been taking Nel to see her weird-ass friends. I got volunteered by Yoruichi to shuffle her around today. Gawd, that woman is annoying. Yoruichi, not Nel. Nel has her own special brand of annoying, that today consists of giving me a bag full of chocolate-covered dried blueberries. I think she made them. Lord knows where she got dried blueberries, but hey, the kid's weird. And talented. Those things are actually damn tasty. I'm gonna haveta make her make me some more.

But whatever. Today's Valentine's, which always puts me in a bad mood. Mostly because everyone else is so damn mushy and generally nauseating about the whole business.

I wandered in a little bit late, but I wasn't terribly worried. Urahara's pretty slack about that stuff. Well, with me, anyway. Dunno bout the others. I opened my locker and stood there for a few moments, stunned speechless. Then I recoiled. I swear that abomination was gonna leap out and either bite me or make me wear it.

"_WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT?_" I yelled, whirling around. Behind me stood Hisagi and Schiffer, also clad in pink.

Hisagi was grinning like the cats that just caught the canary, and, just as you were exclaiming over the loss, got into the cream as well. He was palming something to Schiffer, who was looking even more infernally smug than usual.

There will be hell to pay, Urahara. _Hell to pay_.

Especially since I think Nel was going to try to pick me up from work. _Shit_.

I stormed Urahara's office. I was so mad I wasn't even speaking Japanese anymore – I think I was speaking German. Nel's native language is wonderful for being angry in. He looked wonderfully confused for a bit, and then pulled out his phone. I shut up immediately - I did not want him calling Yoruichi (devil-woman she is). He talked to me briefly, and I managed to reign in most of my sporadic temper. I still had to wear the damn thing.

I hate those two. Whoever thought it was a good idea to first introduce Yoruichi Shihōin to Urahara Kisuke should be mauled, set on fire, covered with honey and fed to the ants. Not necessarily in that order

I got into the uniform with a quiet litany of all the curses I knew, in all the languages I knew them in. Ulquiorra gave me a slightly surprised (well, as far as that bitch ever shows emotion) glance. I think he's from Germany, actually. Which would explain that mildly scandalized look in his eyes.

Yeah. Now I miss Nel, even with her annoying-as-hell attitudes.

Sometimes I really hate my life.


End file.
